i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
