Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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