we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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