my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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