he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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