sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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