My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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