Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is classic penis vs brain.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
