I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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