Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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