Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
