When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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