So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
