He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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