i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
