Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
