What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
