We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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