i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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