I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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