I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
