dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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