I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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