I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hippo gnu deer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
