Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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