And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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