I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
