so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
