I want to walk on stilts...naked
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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