But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
