Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
