You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
