I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
