yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
