just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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