Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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