i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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