he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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