Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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