It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
