god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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