What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
