I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
