theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
