Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
is that a dick in a sweater?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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