Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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