I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
