M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
