Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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