i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
