Apparently you make a good broom.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
