I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's always time for handjobs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
