There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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