did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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