if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
