i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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