i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
