Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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