dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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