i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
