woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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