my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
